Episode 2: Being Present and Finances

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Welcome to the Present Dad podcast. I'm Brian. And I'm Ricky. We're just normal dads talking about the ups and downs of fatherhood and the battle to be present while still providing. And today's topic is going to be talking about being present and finances. So excited to get into this today, Ricky. You know, one of the one of the things I think out there in the in the dad life world is really that balance between I have to provide and I have to be present. Yep. And I think there's a lie out there that it has to be one or the other, right? That it can actually be both.

Right. I think there's also the pressure to provide and the pressure that comes with finances makes it so we think that goes in place of being present. And so I've done this, so now I don't have to be present, which is not true. Correct, correct. And I think the other definition, we'll kind of tackle this today, is what really is the definition of providing? Cause I think a lot of times we stop just at the money portion when there's so many other things that a father needs to provide in a household.

and a husband needs to provide as well. Right. So so let's get into this. so one of the you know, just my background a little bit with the with the providing and the being present piece. There was a there was a time frame where, you know, we were launching a new school. So work was at a high level, you know, lots of lots of time going on. you know, the the money's coming in financially, things are doing okay.

But thing you know, bills start to pile up a little bit. Addy had some some therapy she had to do with vision therapy and physical therapy and all these things take income and making sure that my kiddos and my wife has everything they need that I started that slow drip that we talk about about not being present, right? And whether it looks like, well, if I I need to answer a couple more emails when I get home or you know, maybe

Pick up another little side hustle to pick up a few more dollars and it's okay. I'll I'll do it after the kids are in bed, you know, kind of thing. But really it started, the providing really started taking over the present piece. And the the realization moment was we decided to go on a vacation as a family. And my daughter Addy asked me, Are you gonna be working this vacation? I said, No, honey, I'm not even bringing my laptop. You're not bringing your laptop?

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I wonder what that's gonna be like. And it's like dagger, right? Like, this has gotten out of control. Right. So, I know your wife stays home, right? You know, which is a a t a total blessing in your house, which but there's some financial ramifications to that, you know, kind of stuff with two girls. So what are what are some things you've done to kind of handle that and manage that and balance all that? Yeah. I mean, a little back even before that, my wife and I, before we had kids both worked.

both had gotten our master's degrees and so were really productive and she was doing well, I was doing well, kept getting promotions and raises and that kind of stuff that just naturally as we worked hard, it was, you know, the Lord was blessing in a lot of different ways. And so we were actually in the process of building a a brand new house. still far away from where I worked. I had moved to GCS at that point. And but we were still working on building a house and

Really nice house, way bigger than what we are currently in. w something we could actually afford as well. And we're gonna do like it wasn't a ridiculous like buy that was way out of our price range. but it was gonna require both of us to work. And my wife was pregnant at the time and with our first daughter Aurora, and she was working from home, which you know, most people through COVID ended up getting to go from work from home.

And right before Aurora was born and before the house and everything closed, they told her she had to come back into work and that she was gonna have to be in the office for three hours. Excuse me, three days a week for multiple hours that day. And they weren't sure what that was gonna look like. So then we were starting to think about, okay, we have to have someone to watch Rory, we have to have, you know, so now we're gonna have to find someone we trust and then we're gonna have to pay for that and is it gonna be worth it? And all these things started to pile up.

And at first we c we started with it and we had someone's able to watch ro Roe that we, you know, trusted and it it was good. But Erica started to feel that weight that she wasn't getting to be present for her daughter the way she wanted to be. for me as a dad, I was a teacher at the time and had summers off, and Rory was born right at the end of the school year. And so I was home for the first two and a half months, just soaking up all that time. So moving into she decides she wants to stay home.

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We we, you know, do the math, we try and figure it out and know, hey, it was gonna be tight, it was gonna have to change how we were living, reducing an entire paycheck. It was gonna mean vacations kind of weren't going to be what they had been. You know, we were especially young married and had no debt. We had done really well to try and be financially wise. and now we were gonna be, you know, we used to go to Disneyland all the time, do all stuff. We weren't gonna be able to do that stuff and still to this day can't do those things.

but the the sacrifice of that has been, you know, so worth it because the reward of being able to just have my wife home and know like she gets to spend that time with our daughters. She's loves every minute of it. And so it did mean the the budgeting had to be more strict. It meant, hey, we're gonna have to say no to going out to eat sometimes, or we're gonna go out to eat and we're not gonna, you know.

be buying everybody gets their own meal and every kid gets a happy meal kind of thing. And so we had to be more strategic in our conversations about that because we love people, we love community. We want to go out after church and but it also then meant, okay, we we know we're gonna go out church every Sunday with friends. So there's a budget line for that. We're just gonna put it in a budget. And it means we have to cut somewhere else. And so

There there was it's it's about prioritizing what mattered to us. And one of the reasons like Sunday lunch became so is so important and and just fr that friendship time is our daughters see that. And that we want them to understand, have those friends and have the people that are important to their part of the life and know how important Sunday is to us as a family for recharging and for spending time with the Lord and spending time with people that we're worshiping the Lord with. And so because of that.

That's where we've shifted the finances. However, that does mean we're gonna have to tell our kids those those time as they especially get older, hey, no, you can't have that bluey toy every time we go to Target. Right. And there might be kids that they're friends with that their family aren't isn't in that situation. That's totally awesome for that family. But it just does mean we have to have a priority and balance, but have a conversation as family because though I'm the one working.

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My wife and I both take the brunt of that pressure that gets felt when finances are, it's a tough month or wow, there's something that happened in the car. Now we have to figure out right where's that two thousand dollars coming from? Well, i even though I feel the pressure as a dad, my wife takes pressure as well because she's trying to, you know, figure out, okay, how do I help him when I'm staying home? Absolutely. 'Cause the finances don't just end at the the budget line, right? They they take so much other stress and other things. But

when we do it well and we do it a God honoring way, it actually is something that can really benefit our family to show, hey, I'm present, not just by providing financially, but providing me as as a dad and as a role model and as a person that loves you. So absolutely. And and that gets into, you know, one of the things you you mentioned there is there's more to just providing than the finance part. Right. Right. It's it's providing the number one thing in my estimation, which is an example. Yeah. Right. You know, you based on what you just said, you guys are providing

An example of how we prioritize our spending. You're providing an example of what things matter to the Bills family. Yeah. Right. You know, like is in this house, these are the things that matter to us in order. And that's that's giving that example to your kiddos. and as they grow. And, you know, one of the other things that you mentioned that's huge is the debt free piece. Yeah. Right. It's it's so easy these days for people to rack up a credit card, make a poor car purchase, house poor, just all those things that

All those things that go along. So then there is a flat tire and you gotta go spend seven hundred bucks and it's like, well, but now I missed a credit card payment and then that payment swells. Yes, you know more stress, more snowballing effect. Yeah. Yeah. And there so there's an aspect of you know, I would strongly recommend people try the try the debt-free piece. And if and if you're not there right now, get some help, get some financial advice. you know, reach out to folks who who you have in your life that have some fruit on that tree. Right. It it might look like making some additional income. might look like

A job change, it might look like you know, picking up a side hustle and all that's fine because you can still do those things and be present. Right. Right. Because as we're providing financially, presence if we go back as we talk about all the time, it's not a balance, it's about having priorities right. Right. Yeah, I think it it and it's tough, especially if you are in the younger, you know, younger married, younger with kids.

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mean I I mean I i it's for every season, but I think I I know I've seen it especially in that younger demographic and how social media and those things have influenced younger generations is man, there's such a keeping up mentality. and and I joke with my wife and with our friend group that like I don't feel it on social media as a dad as much. I feel in everyday life, but I don't feel it on social media. My wife feels the

pressure on social media all the time. and and we have that conversation a lot and just the way in which particularly like moms and females can at times pressure to be like, well, if you don't have this or you're not providing this for your kid, then you're not a good parent. And then that can translate to her coding me going, well, we need to get this. And then I'm going to the budget going, I we can't afford that. And then we've started this snowball with the wrong perspective of, well, somebody on social media said we need this. Mm-hmm.

Instead of looking and and evaluating with our life our current livelihood and our season that we're in to go, is that something we actually need? And is that really that important for for our kids? And so you know, our first daughter, Aurora, she was born with a cleft lip. And so, cleft lip surgeries, all that kind of stuff. and going from two incomes to one income to really good insurance to not as good of insurance. Yeah.

And now having a surgery to pay for and then another surgery to pay for. And we've had almost surgery every year with not just the cleft lift, but just different things. Yeah. And so it's been, wow, that's something that we didn't plan for. Right. but one aspect I think is so important to this, especially from our perspective, is that man, the Lord is so faithful and so kind. And that and there's just been ways like financially we've tried to be wise, but there is no explaining

the ways in which the Lord has provided just so generously for us. and that isn't like, we prayed and the Lord just sent us money or anything like that. It's just like we've been done everything we can to steward what God has given us well. And He has blessed that and we've always continue to be able to make it. Now there are times where we I like things and I like flashy things and I like bougie things, right? Like I like nice shoes, like all that kind of stuff. And so

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We save for those things, we do those and we try and provide, you know, I try and provide that type of stuff for my wife for my kids. But I think one of the things that's really shifted for me, especially since having kids, is not trying to put my money towards the experience, but put it towards the memory. And so like there's parts where it's like, Man, this would be a great experience because it's gonna post really well or this is gonna be a great experience because I get to tell other people we're doing this. Yeah, what a trap that is. But it might not even be what my family likes.

And like that that part matters is am I trying to make a memory with my family or and provide for them by being present or am I trying to make a experience that I can put outwards to show other people that I've provided? And like trying to provide in a way that other people see is not necessarily going to benefit your family the best. And so we just went on vacation. I talked about on the last last episode too, a recent

We were in California and thanks Nana for being willing to help fund a lot of that 'cause I love it. Nana helped make sure that that happened. but like it was nothing flashy. It was just fun. It was just time together. We went to the zoo, and to the beach and just hung out and had great family time. But man, that zoo time is something that I'll always remember. Like knowing

My daughter wanted to hold the map and has no idea what it is. Just pointing at animals saying, We're going there next. And you're like, that's across the zoo. And this is San Diego Zoo. So it was a big zoo. Yep. but that memory, yes, for me, and then, you know, even if she doesn't, the the f time that my mom had, my great grandma my wife had, those are things that I don't want to make excuses to go, well, things are tight. Okay, well then I need to make sure that I'm keeping that budget as tight as I can to save so that I can have those moments. Yep.

and it may not be you have a Nana that can help you get to San Diego Zoo. It may be, all right, our moment is gonna be the Phoenix Zoo. Yep. Great. But don't make an excuse so you don't be present, don't have those moments with your kiddos because those are the things you're gonna look back on and go, wow, those are great times. Absolutely. So there is a lot. There is prioritizing and and there is budgeting, but it's doable. Yeah. And and I call that it's it what it what it does is it sounds like you're really taking advantage of what I call the Windows principle.

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And what I mean by this is there's specific windows in time that you have for your kids where it's an enjoyable thing to go with them. Right. Right. And if you're intentional about those windows and taking advantage of them, you can plan your finances accordingly. Right. Right. So like right now we're we're at a time frame where grandparents are all in their seventies and above. Mm-hmm. And so we're trying to get our kids every single memory and experience they can have with their grandparents. Right. So

We're financially planning for income to go to those types of experiences. Right. Now for Aaron's side, it's it's a little bit easier. her parents are in better shape for travel and that kind of stuff. So we plan travel. Maybe we'll go up and and you know, visit them up in up in Flagstaff kind of thing. For for my parents, my dad's not super mobile these days. So it's like, okay, we're gonna make sure.

That we're not gone every single weekend so they can go spend the night at grandma and papa's, right? You know, kind of thing. and that's a different financial burden, right? You know, gas ain't cheap. but you know, kind of thing. But there's a there's an aspect of like we want to do Europe with our kids one day. Okay, when Ben's five is not the time for us to go to Europe. Some fam some families, awesome that they they love doing that. That's not our thing. We're currently in the in the theme park mode because our kids love the rides, they love the experience, they love the characters. Like which one? Which which theme park?

Yes, all of them. Yeah. They you they're not super picky. So like right now part of our part of our finances going towards having those types of trips. And we've had conversations with kids like, Do you enjoy doing this? Yes. But also we can't do it every weekend. We can't do it every month, right? You know, it's a it's a it's a big trip. But one of the things I think we can fall into there is when we think finances, we only think about the big trip. We think about the spring break trip or the summer vacation kind of thing, as opposed to

also accounting for, you know, what's that what's that husband and wife date every week or every other week looks like? What's that daddy daughter date? What's that bromance time date look like with with your son kind of thing, right? So what tips do you have? Cause I I know just from us knowing each other, like you spend time with each daughter and and and you spend time with your wife, right? And so and we also know educators don't make a ton. Yeah. Right. So on the finance side, like how do you how do you work that in? How what's that look like priority wise?

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Yeah, I think one is just knowing your budget, knowing how to start there. and being able to understand like as a family, my wife and I have these conversations of what is gonna be their priority even this month. It's not just, that's the budget and that's how the budget stays. Yep. as the daughters get older, that's gonna shift. Yep. as things in our life change, that's gonna shift. And so, you know, having

certain trips and different things that are, you know, investment business focused for myself or for my wife and different things like that coming up that goes, okay, that that means this next month is gonna be slimmer. So it it's looking at that, prioritizing, okay, where's the finances going this month for the budget? Okay, I have to take this trip so that I have to plane and hotel. So that means there's not really a budget for daddy daughter night out.

Well, there doesn't have to be a huge budget for daddy, daughter, night out. My daughter is three. And I know that this is different for older kids. Sure. But my daughter's three. Target's great. She loves Target. Right. And like Target has a one three five section. There's a there's a dollar. There's a dollar. I can squeeze three dollars in the budget. That means I have to meal prep an extra day, or I just d okay, I'm not buying an extra this or an extra that. That it it it's so crazy when you actually start to have the long term thought process of.

Man, how much did I spend on this particular item that I love? Starbucks coffee, my energy drink, my, you know, eating a meal out, all those types of things. None of that's bad. But it it's okay, is that really my ultimate goal for this month or for this year or six months or whatever it is that you're trying to plan out? So knowing, we have this stuff coming up, well, that means I have to prioritize my daughter still. I have to be present, I have to show up for her. And that means for a three-year-old.

It's target and we're gonna go and we're gonna shop through the store and she's gonna, I want this, I want this, I want this. And I have to be strong enough, which is hard because my daughter's beautiful and so cute and knows how to make the puppy dog eyes and go, I want this bluey thing. and sometimes when we're doing well, it's like, okay, I'm gonna buy the blue thing because and then I'm gonna go home and play with it with her. And that's the difference I think is I'm buying the thing not to win the that moment and make me feel like I'm a good dad and she feels happy.

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Because it's just a toy. Eventually we it's gonna end up in a dumpster. But man, I'm gonna buy something that I can do with her. Or that I can play with her, or that she's gonna play with her sister, or my wife will play. but really that time matters. And so we're walking around Target, we're doing something, or if I've got both girls, so my wife can be well, we knocked everything over, so my wife can be you know, free or whatever that is, then that's that's what we we need to do. That's how we're gonna prioritize those things. And so

That's that's number one. Number two is just being willing to talk with people about finances because it's still taboo in our culture. It's still one of those things that's like we don't talk about it. Like don't talk about it. Don't tell people how much you make. Don't do that. And I get there's there's jobs and different things have different things different, you know, ways in which they look at that. Sure. Which is fine. But have someone you can talk to, you know, correct. Go to someone at your church or go to someone that is, you know, clearly shown and demonstrated they've done this well. Go to an accountant.

Or or if you're like I'm so we're so tightly like budgeted we can't afford an account, then go find someone that you know has done it well and go talk to someone and go, Hey, we're struggling, but we want to do better. Absolutely. But there has to be a forward thinking mindset that is past, well, we're just getting through this week. And and I get like we have lived in those moments in our marriage where it was like we are getting through this week. And growing up, we lived in that where we went from very, very rich to not rich at all in a like

Barely scraping by and on food stamps. Yep. But if you talk to my family and you you know, in my own personal experience, we were happier together on food stamps than we were living in the 4,000 square foot house. Sure. And it wasn't because 4,000 square foot house was bad, it was because our family was together. That's right. At a different point. And and when we were in the two bedroom apartment, we were together and we loved each other and we demonstrated that. And so don't think that one or the other is going to be the thing that helps.

you know, you be present for your child. It's how am I going to work to be present regardless of what the paycheck looks like and regardless of what the budget looks like. And then how I as a dad am I going to work to try and provide more or or different or better, whatever that looks like in your season. Absolutely. but I I just hope that dads don't fall into the trap of, well, if I only made this much more, then I'd be a better provider. Right. Because maybe

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Yep. But if you make that much more and you buy that much more junk because you haven't prioritized what you're gonna do with that much more money, you're gonna be in the same spot just making more. You're just gonna have more stuff. Absolutely. And so that's that's it's hard. I say that not as like a I figured it out, but as a man, I've bought the wrong things before. I'm impulsive. I like to buy things and that's fun. And Amazon's great because it just shows up. Yeah.

I could I love buying If you have prime, it shows up like immediately. Right. Like I can always justify new golf clubs because, well, it's an investment because I'm hanging out with my friends and like get it. But there's times and seasons where that is a r a thing that I could buy. And then there's times where it's like, hey, I can't go out, guys, because I can't afford it. Right. And you know, being willing to say that I think matters too. And not like a guilt trip or I want, but like, hey, and being able to talk to guys.

I really can't afford right now because I'm trying to save up because I want to buy something nice for my daughter for her birthday. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah, cool. And like if they're pressuring you to make you feel bad for that, maybe those aren't great friends. Yeah, like they should be supporting in these in these situations for sure. And I, you know, one of the things when it comes to finances, right? And and we've kind of we've talked budget, right? you kind of mentioned in passing, you know, like outside projects type stuff. You know, I have outside projects I do as well. You know, part of

Part of the basics of finances with providing is like if the budgets you do your budget, you do it solid and it's not enough, you might need to make more income. Right. And and sometimes that's hard choices. And there can be a balancer of like, but that's more time away from my family, right? This comes down again to it's not balance, it's priorities. Right. If you literally, you know you can't buy presence with money. Well, you can buy presence, but not you can't buy being present, yeah, right, you know, with money.

But if finances are such a stress in your life that you can't turn the finance knob off that you can't sit there and be present with your wife and your kids because you're thinking about the bill that's coming up or or the cell phone bill or the mortgage and how am I gonna scrape the money together, you may look at needing to make some additional income. And one of the mindsets that I recommend folks adopt in this is not thinking about money.

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as a lake that you're just filling up to take from, but think of it more as a river that has flow. You may need to get some of that income that you have coming in and flowing it back out in other ways that can can make you some additional income. Because do we have the immediate needs? Of course. And do we have our goals and trips and stuff? Of course. But we also need to plan for the long term. Right. Right. You know, the the goal isn't well, we spent every dollar being present and now we work until we're ninety.

Yeah. Right, you kind of thing. And and there's a balance there. And and part of that might look like you need to take on a little bit more work here or there and not feel guilty about it if there's a reason. Right. But again, one of the advices that you just gave was don't just keep spending at a high level and spend all that money again. Right. Like if you go make extra additional income, be intentional with it. Intentional and priorities is one of the things we're really trying to stress in this area, especially. Yeah. And I think one one of the things that's hard.

for men in a current in our current culture is understanding that not every job is gonna pay what you want it to pay and be the job that you love and is just the thing that you can't wait to go to every day. Yep. And there might be a decision that has to be made there. And and that's that's tough. And I if you're married and have kids, I would say make it prayerfully, obviously, and make it through lots of conversation with with your spouse, with wise people around you.

Well, I've had the conversation multiple times with my s with for myself and for friends of like, man, I could, you know, I was in ministry before this and in, you know, education now to go I could go off and go do that and try and make a lot of money doing something else and would provide in a different way, but I might be but I'd probably be miserable because that's just not the thing that I feel called to. Yep. now there's also that aspect of.

There's certain times where we feel called certain things, but the Lord has opened other doors to go, Hey, I'm I'm giving you an o opportunity through here to provide. Right. And it won't be the thing that's like, man, that's the the dream job I have. Yeah. Yeah. But if is it gonna provide well for your family? Like those are things that those are hard conversations. And I'm not saying one is right or the other, because you have to be prayerful and trust the Lord in those situations. But we seeking wise counsel, talking with your spouse, all those things and going, Okay, absolutely, what's the best route forward here? And

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Yeah. And it would be great to go make, you know, triple digits, you know, easy and work four days a week. And I would love that. It'd be phenomenal. You know, and have more time with my family and more ability to go out. But at the same time, it's it's one of those things that as I look at my own life and go, okay, the Lord's clearly called me to the the area he has me in. Yep. And with that, I had to be wise with what the Lord has blessed me with. And so I steward well. And if there needs to be additionals, I go work hard and go, you know, do what I can to provide for my family.

but also know that there that there's a balance to that too where I can I can go and put myself to a goal and I I pretty discipline oriented and go like, well, I'm just gonna go work and work and work and then I go, wow, I provide all these things, but I haven't been there yep emotionally for my family. I've been there physically for my family. And so I think all of these when you talk finances, the reality is it it's not it's not gonna be solved in in a minute. Nope. And it's not gonna be solved on your own.

You gotta you gotta seek counsel. You gotta seek people around you. because sometimes we're just blind to it too. Where we're like, no, I'm I'm squeezing everything out of my budget. And it's like you have someone else look at your receipts for the month and go, man, they can find they can find a lot of things to squeeze out. And then you Well, I don't want to cut that. Okay, well, you're squeezing everything out then. Correct. Like you're, you know, I really like doing that. I I I meal prep when I'm when I'm yep, you know, focused and I'm on it, and it's rice and chicken. And guess what? It's a lot cheaper.

Yep. Then absolutely you know, going out and go, wow, Chipotle's right down the road though. Yeah. And still rice and chicken. Yeah. But a lot more expensive, right? And that's a difference of mindset. It's like, well, I I'm gonna do rice chicken one, because you know, I can prep, I can do all the stuff at home, blah, blah. But then I'm gonna save and I'm purposefully doing that to prioritize that finance. It's intentional, right? Because because you're because you have goals that you're working towards. And you know, at no point in this podcast as we as we kind of wrap up, we don't have a magic bullet for your finances.

Right, like right that yeah, because if if it was, we'd this would be a podcast about the magic bullet about your finances. but it is it's just like we've been talking about it's priorities over balance, it's it's intentionality with what we're doing, seeking guidance and mentorship, like all all these types of things that that we know are there. And also stressing this point and then a a few quick tips to help with maybe some some finance pieces is

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Don't feel the pressure that you have to provide all of these things that are wants and not needs for your family. Right. There can be so much stuff out there, especially with social media. You mentioned it little bit earlier with your wife. Like, man, we need this. We need this. Man, that they went on another vacation, or look at their new car they got. Or man, it sure would be nice to have that. It would be, but what are what are your goals for your family to be able to be present? Because

The reality of it is your kids are only in your house for a limited amount of time. And we're gonna have a relationship with them, God willing, their entire lives and grandkids and all that good stuff. But there are moments you miss when you choose to go make more income. Yeah. I would say when you're actively being present, you will be the greatest influencer on your family. Correct. And on your finances. And when you're not, somebody else will be. And usually that's someone online. Because that's where we go. Right. Absolutely. If you influence our

Influencers on social media are impactful. That's why they do what they do. Hence the word influencers. Right. Like yeah. But it but if we're being present the way we should be and leading the way we should, we will be the greatest influencers in our family. I love that. I love that. So a couple quick tips. If you're looking for some ways to save a little bit of money, things that you can do with your kids on a regular basis. And this is one of the things we've adopted on our house. We do themed movie nights. And here's what a themed movie night is. Aaron and I pick a movie that we're gonna watch with the kids.

And then we make a little menu around that theme. we'll hop on Canva and throw on some characters and and and rename stuff. this is not difficult, and it's not really any different food that we were gonna be buying anyway. Right. We just put a little themed tablecloth out, a themed menu, put a couple candles out, and the kids think it is absolutely amazing. Like, like just last week, we we watched Coco.

so we made some menus, did some colorful decorations, and then the dinner that night was non was a nacho bar. There you go. And it was all the same food we were eating anyway, presented differently with a movie playing, and the kids are like, this is awesome. To the point that now the kids are every time we watch a movie, is it are we having a themed dinner? Yeah. Like, and this and this is something where the kids feel present because Aaron and I pretend we're the waiters, right? And and we serve them, and it's like

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what's our special drink tonight? it's the same grape Kool-Aid you had at lunch, but we put a different name on it and put it in a different cup, and all of a sudden it's fancy, right? And then the kids love it. So that's that that's a a quick kid connection, being present type thing. while you're still providing, still saving a little bit of money related to the finance piece. Any any quick tips like that that you have? No, I would just say find find the the the store that you can go walk around in. When my wife and I were

newly married. We were married at twenty and twenty one and she was still working and I was in doing school and I had pretty much no money, even though we were trying to save. We walked around Target and Walmart a lot and we just had fun. And sometimes it was like planning out the things of like, man, what if we had done this to our house or apartment? And knowing right now we can't afford it and that's okay. and it wasn't like one day we'll get there. It was like maybe, maybe one day we will and not, but we're together and we're gonna figure it out.

Together. And that's one of the things that when we were young, I and I encourage other people getting married. I I young, I always said I would rather be poor and married to my best friend than poor and be alone. And so either way, I was 20 years old and absolutely 21 years old and I had no money. So now we've been wise and have benefited from that. but just go do something together and it doesn't have to cost money. It could be walking around a store, it could be, you know, if you're in a place that isn't a hundred and

27 degrees like here. You can go to a park. You can go to the lake. You can just kids love parks, man. Find something to go do so good. And just be present with them. Yep. Absolutely. So as we wrap up, dads, if you're feeling that pressure to provide and and fighting that balance of man, is it either providing or present? we're here to tell you that the answer is no. So thanks for listening to the Present Dad podcast. keep being present, keep providing, and keep being a good dad. Bye, y'all.